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Beer-Posting: Escape the Pale Ale monotony with Modern Times’ Fruitlands

Tang and salt the earth with Fruitlands.

Illustration by Joel Vaughn

Illustration by Joel Vaughn

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Are you tired of the discussion around beer being relegated to quadroopal-hopped India Pale Ales with a bitter arugula top note that slowly develop into Pinesol finish? Yeah, me too.

Look no further than this weekly tongue-in-cheek column exploring a world of ales and lagers that exists outside of the Bud Light chugging, mass-market frat bros and the Ballast Point-sipping hipsters.

Don’t expect a numerical point breakdown or obsession over international bitterness units, just less than serious but creatively accurate descriptions of whatever sixer I pick from the liquor store cooler.

My qualifications for being the arbiter of what beer you seek out include but are certainly not limited to: Starting my slow march to a craft beer gut at age 15, growing up in California’s beer capital, San Diego and being a high-functioning alcoholic.

Since I want to kick us off the diving board and into the deep end, I can’t think of anything more inaccessible to start with than a Gose style beer, a wheat drink with a tang. If you want your beer to taste like taffy rolled through a golden wheat field, look no further than Modern Times’ Fruitlands.

Upon initial sip, your mouth is flooded with a sensory overload of tart and salty salivation akin to greek yogurt and falice sweat, a flavor combination I’ve only ever experienced with an ex-male-lover’s bedside postfalatio berry yogurt and Modern Times Fruitlands.  

As the flavors mature upon each sip, a strong force of malted wheat rises like a loaf of sourdough bread floating out of an ocean of froyo. A truly ecstasy-inducing symphony of flavors push me to kick back all four of the pint-sized cans. Too bad a Fruitlands hangover nears the severity of an actual ecstasy come down.

But worry not, with an alcohol volume of 4.8 accompanied by low bitterness, Fruitlands is the ideal beer to pair with a breakfast parfait for a little hair of the dog after the previous night’s binge.

While Fruitlands’ requires a particular palate to enjoy, it’s worth seeking out for its unique take on a light and malty pilsner with a fruitful backbone endowing you with a more broad beer horizon. If you find the unique notes of Fruitlands titillating, seek out other Goses and possibly Sour styles at your local microbrewery, such as Lost Abbey’s Framboise de Amorosa.

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