Arts & Life

The new perverts on the block

The New Kids on the Block’s new album shows that, like David Duchovny, they are old guys addicted to sex.

When they were young, maybe it would be a little more acceptable to hear this kind of talk. However, in the new album “The Block,” they killed their great singing with gross sex talk. There’s nothing wrong with a young singer singing silly sexually suggestive lyrics. But there’s something weird about hearing old guys singing “Wanna be a big girl/’bout to prove it/With a body like that, you’ve got a grown man ready to blow.”

I have issues with the image. I can’t help but think that the New Kids On the Block is getting way too out of hand with the seduction. They’re supposed to be the old kids on the block now. They’re obviously single, but those lyrics prove that they’re still looking for a good time with younger girls. I have to warn girls that they have better things to do with their lives than to reminisce about the New Kids On the Block.

If “Big Girl Now” was pretty creepy, the song “Grown Man” is just plain wrong. The old “kids” literally sing sexual intercourse lyrics, such as “She is so sexy and I’m into her/Yeah, I’m into her/For sure/She go on like a circus/the way she works it, work it, work it/Straight up, like a circus.” Great. Now I know what they’ve been doing ever since they quit the music business for a couple years.

And it just gets worse, and worse and worse. “Dirty Dancing” is literally about the New Kids cheating on their girls. They sing “Now, I know that my girl is alone /And she’s been blowing me up on my phone/But I can shower when I get back home/Cause tonight I’m dancing dirty, yeah.”

Were the New Kids copulating with prostitutes? Whatever the case, they’ve dirtied themselves up so much that even Justin Timberlake is impressed. However, Timberlake knew how to be both cool and sexy. The New Kids Jonathan Knight, Jordan Knight, Joey Mcintyre, Donnie Wahlberg and Danny Wood only know how to do sexy.

But this album isn’t sexy in a good way. “The Block” is a grotesque, gross orgasmic mess. This album is nasty to the point of disbelief. In the song “Full Service (featuring New Edition),” I can literally imagine the semen spilling out of my speakers when they sing, “I’ll fill you up-up (If you wanna get some)/I’ll pump you up-up (Cause I got the premium)/I’ll fill you up-up, pump you up-up/’Till the tip-top, drip drop, don’t stop, don’t stop.” That is just the most unbelievably unnerving lyric I have ever heard in the history of pop music.

This album reminds me of a bad porn video. It’s only good for those idiots who are addicted to porn, because nearly every song is about sex. Speaking of which, they literally described what could be their next porn video in the song “Lights, Camera, Action,” where the Kids sing “We gonna rewind, go all the time/And playback our love on the wide screen/Baby, don’t stop until I say go/Cause our camera’s on, keep it rolling, rolling.” Only filthy pigs would enjoy this visual description of videotaped porn. Obviously, the New Kids on the Block are filthy pigs.

Don’t worry. The album gets a little more digestible with the song “Put It On My Tab,” which is about a guy who pays for a girl’s drink at the bar. But then the Kids disgusted me at the end with the disturbing song “Stare At You,” which is all about the kids staring at the girls way too long, because they’re just way too mesmerized by their sexy eyes. And, of course, they ended the song with the stupid lyric “I’m gonna stare at you all night long/And we’ll keep rocking ’til the sun shines/Waiting ’till the moonlight to do it again.”

At the very end, oddly enough, one of the singers says to his child, “Do you know the name of daddy’s group? The Block.”

I hope the New Kids On the Block are happy. They just traumatized me and countless other innocent kids for life with this gooey, unbearable coital mess. 

6 Comments

  1. Avatar

    28YO NKOTB fan here. Went to their concert in Irvine and there were a ton of other 25-40 year olds there. Younger girls are not their target audience, as teenage girls are drooling over Justin Timberlake (who has suggestive songs, by the way) and the tweens and pre-teeners are drooling over the Jonas Brothers and Zach Efron, who are also starting to produce borderline inappropriate music and/or images/lifestyles for their audiences.

    That said, this review sounds a bit biased. Like you lost a GF that was a huge fan and you hated it or something. 😛 LOL

  2. Avatar

    They are singing to their audience—grown women ages 25-40. I know a lot more about sex now then I did when I was 13! Then it was innocent flirtation, but I think I would be scaried if they were singing those lyrics now! The album was a turn on!

  3. Avatar

    Personally, I think if they sang those types of lyrics during their first “go-round” that would have been disgusting because their audience was a bunch of pre-teen girls. Now we’re grown up, and frankly, I didn’t find it offensive. I think they knew exactly how to attract their fans back. I just saw them in concert and it was a great night of my life. Pure, INNOCENT fun! Thanks New Kids!

  4. Avatar

    Sounds like you need a little pumping up…LOL

  5. Avatar

    They’re not even 40 yet? If Wikipedia is right, they were born from 1968-1972, which means they’re from 35-39 years old. They’re pretty darn close to that, I think, and it is deciving to say “they’re not even 40 yet.”

  6. Avatar

    I think you are reading far too much into these lyrics. And besides, the guys are not even 40 yet so what’s the big deal? Are you saying that people over a certain age should not be talking about this kind of thing??

    I’m a fan of the group so i guess i am bound to say this but this album is a lot of fun and the songs are great. They’re of their time and at the end of the day, the album is doing so well in the charts around the world that what critics think does not matter.

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