Daily 49er

Don’t watch Super Bowl 50

The outcome of the game is as good as set in stone, but that doesn't mean you can't find solace in the trap known as the Super Bowl party.

Broncos+quarterback+Peyton+Manning+waits+on+the+sideline+in+Denver%E2%80%99s+39-33+loss+against+the+Indianapolis+Colts+on+Oct.+20%2C+2013.
Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning waits on the sideline in Denver’s 39-33 loss against the Indianapolis Colts on Oct. 20, 2013.

Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning waits on the sideline in Denver’s 39-33 loss against the Indianapolis Colts on Oct. 20, 2013.

Sam Riche | MCT

Sam Riche | MCT

Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning waits on the sideline in Denver’s 39-33 loss against the Indianapolis Colts on Oct. 20, 2013.

Josh Barajas, Sports Editor

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The date and location have been set for some time now, but as of Sunday we finally found out who the participants in Super Bowl 50 are.

The Carolina Panthers will show up in Santa Clara on Feb. 7 to hoist the Vince Lombardi trophy at the end of the game, while the Denver Broncos run around for 60 minutes and pretend they had a chance.

Before you spit out your Peyton Manning-endorsed Gatorade and scoff at that last sentence, remind yourself that these are the Broncos, a team with some strange propensity to get annihilated in the Super Bowl.

They’ve lost five Super Bowls by a combined score of 206-58, the last one coming just two years ago against a Seattle Seahawks team with a defense full of studs and a mobile quarterback.

Sound familiar?

And before you say it, yes, there has been an exception.

The last time Denver had an aging quarterback like Peyton Manning start in a Super Bowl matchup against a team with the reigning MVP under center, the Broncos actually won.

John Elway was 38 years old when they somehow beat three-time MVP Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers in 1998. And yes, they won it all again the next season against the Atlanta Falcons.

But here’s the thing. It won’t happen again.

That Denver team in 1997-99 had probably one of the greatest running backs, Long Beach State alum Terrell Davis, running amok in the backfield. This Denver team has C.J. Anderson and Ronnie Hillman, who combined aren’t anywhere near on the same level as Davis. Anderson and Hillman have 58 carries, 198 rushing yards and one touchdown in two games this postseason together. In his first two playoff games in 1997-98, Davis had 56 carries, 285 yards and four touchdowns. In 1998-99 he had 53 carries, 366 yards and three touchdowns.

Denver’s pair of Super Bowl wins are a blip on the radar, like that singular pass Manning threw for more than 10 yards against Pittsburgh in the divisional playoff.

So, with the Super Bowl already decided, you need to know that there is still plenty to be excited about.

For example, there’s a chance to get hyped about that Super Bowl party where you get to enlighten the non-football fans who will try to learn as much about the game in the hour and half before Beyonce takes the stage.

There will be a chance to mingle with that one friend or relative that will get just a little bit too drunk. You know which friend or relative that is. If you don’t, that friend or relative is probably you.

There will also be an opportunity to spot the sad cameo from the washed-up celebrity from the 1980s in that Pepsi commercial. Since he seems to be making television appearances again, I’m banking on Mel Gibson showing up in a V8 juice commercial.

And speaking of commercials, you can always set up an illegal gambling ring in your living room where you can determine the odds of a Doritos commercial making anyone intelligent laugh.

If you made a new year’s resolution to eat better and exercise more in order to lose weight, a Super Bowl party will provide enough cover for you to sneak that extra burger down your gullet. No one will notice, at least not until that shirt you like starts to fit a little tighter later in the week.

Unless you are a Panthers fan, there are plenty of ways to make Super Bowl Sunday fun as a football fan when you know the game will disappoint.

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5 Comments

5 Responses to “Don’t watch Super Bowl 50”

  1. Sean on January 26th, 2016 12:43 pm

    You are one of the biggest idiots I’ve ever come across. Please never write anything again. Thanks.

    [Reply]

  2. Anonymous on January 27th, 2016 10:35 am

    That person is just mad because here a broncos fan

    [Reply]

  3. Anonymous on February 7th, 2016 7:24 pm

    Bet the author regrets writing this op-ed.

    24-10 Broncos!

    [Reply]

    Sports Editor Reply:

    No regrts. Not even one letter.

    [Reply]

  4. JK MK on May 16th, 2016 7:45 am

    how did that work out for ya?

    No word on the BEACH T&F results yet… weak…

    [Reply]

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