As college students, we constantly feel the pressure to be productive, to go beyond the boiling point in order to continue to move up. But juggling work, school and relationships weakens our social boundaries — we seem to have no limitations. Sometimes, high intensity situations like having a huge workload, group projects and building and maintaining personal connections cause students to lose sight of their limits.
We persist in these high pressure situations because that is what is expected of us. In an individualistic society, we are told to stand our ground and obtain success by our own ambition and perseverance. There is nothing we can’t handle. Although this may be true, we are never really taught how to handle ten papers, six exams, two part-time jobs, relationships and a social life all at once.
With such hectic schedules, it is time students stop and smell the discomfort — focusing on our physical and mental health requires us to take a step back and question whether we are setting up proactive boundaries for ourselves.
We sometimes find ourselves not being able to say no to our friends when they want us to go out for taco Tuesday, even if we have a six-page paper due Wednesday morning, or your crush inviting you out for drinks on Second Street, but you have work at 6:30 a.m. the next day. Regardless of the situation, when and how we set those boundaries become a lot harder than we initially expect. We take into account that we don’t want to hurt our friend’s feelings, we don’t want to be that friend that never goes out to the point of alienation and many other minor consequences we might face by setting those boundaries.
Setting personal barriers is something we all face in different contexts and can differentiate depending on the situation. But what about in relationships? Interactions? First encounters? Do the differing contexts of these relationships carry over the same struggles when setting boundaries? These situations can be more difficult than most because you can never be as prepared for them like you can be prepared for an exam. You learn from them when the situation actually happens and hope for the best.
This may be the case for most students, but there is a troupe on campus called InterACT that specifically focuses on situations like these and more importantly, social issues, where you can test out strategies in certain contexts that students may struggle with in relationships, first encounters and interactions.
One social issue InterACT focuses on is specifically focused on is the life of women. Women are socially conditioned to be passive and submissive to a point where they may struggle with setting boundaries in relationships or first encounters. We see these traits portrayed in media, films and books. Reproductions of our lives make this overwhelmingly clear. We see this happening at a very young age. We’re told that if Johnny is picking on you in the second grade, it’s probably because he likes you — this translates as we mature; your college boyfriend is only calling you 500 times and finding your location is because he “loves” you. These are the circumstances that happen every day and have become normalized behavior.
These instances can happen to both women and men, but men aren’t taught to be passive or accepting of such behavior. Societal norms have outlined the different behaviors between men and women and have displayed how different the two are supposed to be. Men are supposed to be strong, aggressive and non-emotional figures, whereas women are supposed to be fragile, emotional and passive. Society has created the normalization of gendered behavior that causes normalizes abuse and violence.
The consequences that have stemmed from those types of behaviors have statistically shown how the normalization of gendered behavior affects women in particular. Research shows that 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted; meaning each and every one of us knows someone who has been sexually assaulted. According to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network organization, every 98 seconds an American is sexually assaulted – and majority of the victims, at about 54 percent, are between the ages of 18 to 24. For women in higher education, about 20 to 25 percent are sexually assaulted or raped, keeping in mind the large amount of women who do not report this crime, and 9 out 10 women know their offender.
So how do women work past these societal norms and set boundaries that aren’t consequential? According to Huffington Post’s “6 Steps to Setting Boundaries,” the second step is recognizing how your boundaries have been crossed. If the normalization of stalker-ish lyrics, actions, objectification and hypersexualizing of women and desire for a “real man” progress, how are women supposed to recognize when their boundaries have been crossed because what they’re experiencing is “normal?” These types of behaviors become lost in translation and sometimes add to those previously stated statistics.
As a member of the InterACT troupe on the CSULB campus, I have actively worked on bringing awareness to this persistent social issue through performance and discussion. Being in this troupe has taught me the importance of setting boundaries and recognizing when my personal boundaries have been crossed whether that is with friends, romantic relationships or first encounters. This troupe is a safe haven for all students, no matter your gender, sexual orientation or identification; we work together to bring awareness to social issues such as sexual assault, homophobia, racism and stalking with the opportunity to travel and educate around the world. Being in InterACT will not on help students learn how to set boundaries but is a powerful way to learn more about social issues and getting actively involved in the community to make a difference and be that voice that can make a change. We’ve all been in situations we didn’t know how to handle and InterACT is the place to discuss as to why that is and ways you can change it to better your life and ultimately someone else’s.
If you would like to become a part of the troupe, auditions for InterACT will be held on May 4 from 7 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. and 8:45 p.m. – 10 p.m.